Shortly after we were first married, Ethan and I went wandering through a Barnes and Noble and stumbled upon the White Trash Zombie series:
Ethan just shook his head, turned to me and said, “Why aren’t you published?” He had a point. No offense to Ms. Rowland, but I’m very surprised that any publisher has ever picked up a manuscript and said, “Oh, hey! A high school dropout, addicted to drugs and alcohol, who becomes a zombie. We’ll sell three sequels to this, easy!” And maybe I just don’t understand the demographic we’re aiming for here, but I don’t really get the punk/porn fusion this cover is trying for. Especially when you add the pretty pink background and the mouthful of (human?) flesh.
Which leads me to my current problem: realistically, given some of the stuff I’ve seen on sale in bookstores, the only reason I haven’t been published is because I’ve never sent anything to a publisher. I have a lot of ideas that never seem to get off the ground… because I never finish them.
Well, not today! Today, I work on a book! Today, I write with purpose! With power! With pizzazz! With potato soup! (Thanks for the soup, Mom.) And in the meantime, here are a few of the books that remind me that if these guys can get published, I’ve got a pretty good chance:
How to Poo on a Date: The Lover’s Guide to Toilet Etiquette
Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop: And Other Practical Advice In Our Campaign Against The Fairy Kingdom
For the superstitious chicken farmer, or the farmer of superstitious chickens.
Catflexing: The Catlover’s Guide to Weight Training, Aerobics, and Stretching
That’s the reason I never work out! I don’t have the proper equipment! Onward, to Petsmart.
Trout Madness: Being a Dissertation on the Symptoms and Pathology of this Incredible Disease by One of its Victims
Upon further investigation, this is a book of funny essays and stories about trout fishing. Sadly, I was actually hoping it would be about some aquatic version of “mad cow.”
For more of these beauties, I highly recommend you check out abebooks.com’s Weird Book Room. Sorry to say, however, they’re already sold out of How to Land a Top-Paying Pierogi Maker’s Job. Oh, and while you’re at it – if you’ve ever had an idea for a book, start writing. Somebody’s bound to sell it. ♦