Tips for Jerks: Don’t Pick a Fight

Sometimes, in order to divert attention, we just pick a fight.

It might be because my husband criticized me, and I’m feeling offended and defensive. I want to draw the attention to his faults to avoid having to think about my own. It might be because I’m mad at my dad, and I just want any excuse to yell at him. It might be because I’m mad at the dog, and I’m taking it out on my brother. Or it might be because I really don’t want to have to do the dishes, so I’m going to yell at my husband for something until he forgets he asked me to help him clean the kitchen.

If you find the conversation escalating, stop and think for a second. Is this fight going to solve anything? Because if it’s not, you might as well just go yell in an empty room for a while. It’ll accomplish just as much, without damaging any relationships. ♦

Tips for Jerks: “Perhaps You’re Right”

My husband jokes that the most important bit of marriage advice his father gave him was the three words, “Perhaps you’re right.” Just admitting that possibility often prevents a fight from escalating, because even though it doesn’t mean you agree with the other person, it means you recognize the possibility that they’re on to something.

Admitting that someone might be right – even if you acknowledge that you think they’re wrong – implies that you’re humble enough to know you sometimes make mistakes. Saying something like “I might be wrong” or “you might be right” makes you less threatening and less arrogant. It also gently reminds you, as you say it, that you might be wrong. Your spouse or sibling or friend might be right. It requires you to question whether you’re making sense, instead of just assuming you’re right because you’re always right.

Saying “perhaps you’re right” means you’ll consider the other person’s perspective, but doesn’t require you to cave in and agree with everything they’re saying. ♦

Tips for Jerks

I’ve decided to write a new book. It’s going to be a calendar-style book of meditations. And the purpose of the book is to teach people how to stop being such jerks.

Those of you who know me are laughing, because I can be a jerk. But hey – if I can change, so can you!

I’ll be posting my ideas for becoming less of a jerk here in this part of the blog, under “Tips for Jerks.” Topic submissions are welcome. ♦