Bad Tattoo Ideas

So the other night, Ethan and I got to bed really late. And by that, I mean we went to bed really early, and then stayed up for the next two hours laughing ourselves to tears trying to come up with the worst possible tattoo ideas. (Everything is funnier when you’re tired.)

Not just any tattoos, though. We were talking about how weird it must be for Chinese or Japanese people to see random words tattooed on the shoulders/necks/other areas of random White people who seem to think that a word is prettier or has more significance if it’s written out in an Asian character. Especially if said White guy doesn’t speak that language.

And then we started to thinking that most people who have foreign-language tattoos might never learn to speak or read that language. Which means that if I get a tattoo that says “peace, love, and tranquility” while I’m wandering through SF Chinatown, it might just say “Lunch special, pork fried rice,” and I’d never know it.

Of course, from there, we just started coming up with ideas for the worst possible tattoos to spring on unsuspecting tourists. So here, without much further ado:

Things I Would Tattoo On Unsuspecting Tourists If English Was A Pretty Enough Language For People Who Don’t Speak It To Want It Permanently Adhered To Their Body:

“Rachel was here.”

“Want quality tattoos? Call [this number]”

“Just write something inspirational.”

“Ask me about the ravioli special.” (This is especially effective in a visible place, and if you spread the news for everyone to ask the foreigner about the ravioli.)

Label body parts, e.g. “Back,” “Front,” “Torso,” “Shoulder,” “Neck.”

“This tattoo was cheap.”

“I don’t speak English.”

“Cultural appropriation!”

“Don’t tell my wife.”

“David’s Pizza.”

“Property of Donald Trump.”

“Lolita.” (with a heart around it.)

“Tattoos hurt. I cried like a baby.”

“My Little Pony.”

“None pizza with left beef.”

“I don’t remember last night.”

“I live with 17 cats.”

“My mom paid for the tattoo.”

If you were asked to choose a tattoo for someone, what would you do? Give them what they asked for? …Or give them what they deserve? ♦



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