Lazarus, Our Undead Housepest

The other day, Ethan brushed a dead fly off the windowsill while cleaning. It fell a few inches, then turned right-side-up and buzzed away happily. The thing just straight-up rose from the dead. We named him Lazarus.

A few days later, I found a fly (the same fly?) lying dead in the kitchen. I joked with Ethan that it was going to fly away when I cleaned it up. I picked it up with a napkin to put it in the trash, but when I opened the napkin, it was gone. Like, half a second later. I hadn’t moved. It hadn’t moved. It wasn’t on the counter, or the floor, or flying in the air, or anywhere. It was just gone. Lazarus had disappeared.

Then yesterday, I found a super-creepy dead spider under the vanity in the bathroom. It was all curled up, but it was still right-side-up, so I wasn’t sure if it was dead. I was concerned it might just be waiting to scare the living daylights out of me. I blew on it to see if it would move. It didn’t. I blew harder. It looked pretty dead. So I went about my business. Suddenly, something on the floor caught my eye. The spider had suddenly flipped upside-down, extended its legs (which were twice as long as I’d thought they were), and was having a little many-legged seizure all over the floor. Upside-down. It twitched its way two inches toward me, while upside-down. I might have peed my pants a little.

Moral of the story: don’t let anything dead come into this house. Especially if it’s a thing you don’t want to see undead. ♦

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