Isn’t it odd the things that keep you up at night? Some nights we stay up worrying about the next day, or regretting the last. Some nights, we find ourselves designing a newer, better elevator in our heads. And some nights, we try to one-up our spouse by finding the worst possible thing to order online.

I don’t remember who found it first – so I don’t know who gets the points – but I’d just like to let you all know that you can buy hams on Amazon.

Not ham. Not like, a package of ham lunchmeat. Hams. Like, whole hams. You can order a spiral-sliced, hickory-smoked, honey-baked ham on Amazon.com. Whole thing. Ding-dong. “Honey, the ham’s here!”

There’s a part of me that’s really glad I don’t have the kind of money that would allow me to use this information irresponsibly. I could just send hams to random addresses, with a note that says, “Enjoy the holiday!” Like, in the middle of September. I wonder if I could order it to be delivered via drone. Remote-controlled Christmas ham.

This is probably why God hasn’t granted me riches. I wouldn’t use them properly. ♦


One thought on “Hamazon

  1. Now we know why the Unkelsbys are not millionaires. If we find a ham on our porch, we’ll know that you won the lottery.

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