Hamazon

Isn’t it odd the things that keep you up at night? Some nights we stay up worrying about the next day, or regretting the last. Some nights, we find ourselves designing a newer, better elevator in our heads. And some nights, we try to one-up our spouse by finding the worst possible thing to order online.

I don’t remember who found it first – so I don’t know who gets the points – but I’d just like to let you all know that you can buy hams on Amazon.

Not ham. Not like, a package of ham lunchmeat. Hams. Like, whole hams. You can order a spiral-sliced, hickory-smoked, honey-baked ham on Amazon.com. Whole thing. Ding-dong. “Honey, the ham’s here!”

There’s a part of me that’s really glad I don’t have the kind of money that would allow me to use this information irresponsibly. I could just send hams to random addresses, with a note that says, “Enjoy the holiday!” Like, in the middle of September. I wonder if I could order it to be delivered via drone. Remote-controlled Christmas ham.

This is probably why God hasn’t granted me riches. I wouldn’t use them properly. ♦

Advertisements

One thought on “Hamazon

  1. Now we know why the Unkelsbys are not millionaires. If we find a ham on our porch, we’ll know that you won the lottery.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s