My Toaster Has a Mind of Its Own.

And now, for my next trick, I’ll need an ordinary toaster oven…

We’ve got this barbecue sauce I made a week ago in the Dutch oven. And it’s good. But you know, you get sick of eating the same thing over and over again. So I turned it into sloppy joe sauce! Score!

So yesterday, I made myself a sloppy joe. Stuff, cheese, delicious dinner roll… oh, it’s cold. I’ll warm it up. Into the toaster oven, set to a medium-rare toast setting, and walk away.

In the time it took me to use the bathroom and wash my hands, I emerged to discover that the toaster oven had developed a mind of its own, and was well on its way to creating synthetic diamonds. As I coughed and fanned the black smoke away from my face, I opened the back door and turned off the toaster oven, which was still chugging merrily away at its new-found alchemy. The dinner roll was like a charcoal briquette.

I dropped it into the garbage can, where it clunked at the bottom and lay like a rock. And the whole time, I keep thinking, “I can invent a recipe for barbecue, make biscuits and gravy out of thin air, and make a pie out of just about anything. I can pull a dinner for six out of a hat – but I can’t use a toaster without filling the house with acrid smoke.

Back to the basics. ♦

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