I’m cheap. And when I say cheap, I mean that I have some pretty serious scars on my ankles from back when I insisted that it was worth the shaving cuts to buy one-blade razors, just because they’re cheaper. (I eventually relented and switched to two-blade razors – but only after factoring in how much I was spending on Band-Aids.)
Anyways. Point is, we went to visit my parents over the weekend, and I kind of fell in love with the three-blade disposable razor. With a flexible head! Such luxury. And since it was disposable, and I was pretty sure my mom was just going to throw away said used razor, I brought it home with me.
And now I’m being punished for my sins. I don’t know if taking a disposable razor from your mom’s house really counts as a sin, but I’ve definitely got some bad karma going on. Because I can’t think of any logical reason that shaving your legs should result in a bleeding gash on your left buttock. I wasn’t shaving anywhere near my butt. I was shaving my shins. Shins, people. I was shaving my shins – and apparently, I must have been dancing or gesturing wildly or something, because next thing I know it, my butt’s bleeding pretty badly.
I assume that anybody would be a little embarrassed asking their spouse to help them bandage their butt. (I hope nobody but myself has personal experience here, but you know, sometimes life sneaks up and does weird things to you.) Trying to explain how the cut got there is only going to make it worse. And then, suddenly, you realize that the only Band-Aids in the house are the awesome, hipster kind with mustaches printed on them.
On any other cut, this would be awesome. But this morning, I cut myself shaving my legs, and ended up with a mustache on my butt. How do these things happen – and how do I get them to stop? ♦