Junk Food: a Gift and a Curse

I have a problem, and also a blessing. I have the uncanny ability to attract free food. It’s true. It’s on my resume. Everywhere I go, refreshments are served. Strangers have given me leftover tacos, pizza, and baked goods.

As a missionary, I volunteered with clean-up crews for Hurricane Irene. One week, 4 out of 5 people we helped bought us all pizza. The 4th time, the pizza was ordered just after I showed up. Coincidence? I think not.

This one time, a woman in an unmarked white van drove up to me and my friends – in the middle of a temple parking lot – and said, “Hey, do you like bread?” She jumped out of the car, opened the side door, and behold: an avalanche of Wonder and Hostess products. They were just past the expiration date, and her friend (who worked at the Hostess store) had to throw them away. This frantic woman was trying to find a home for literally thousands of bread products. And she parked her van next to me.


Here’s why this is a problem. My husband’s metabolism is such that he can eat a good meal and be hungry 20 minutes later. He has no fat on his body. My metabolism, however, is such that I can eat a good meal and about 5 hours later, I might be hungry. And if I indulge in something like chocolate milk, you might as well just pour it on my thighs. That’s where it’s gonna end up, anyway.

This means I have 2 conflicting ideologies here: 

  1. I shouldn’t eat that.
  2. It’s free, and I’m poor.

Do you see my dilemma? In the past 2 days, there have been free donuts, and then leftover free donuts, and then free fudge at work. And our oven is broken and we’re spending too much on food because our oven is broken and I’ve been running out the door without breakfast and – and my body is starting to say, “Excuse me? What is this mess you’re feeding me?”


On  one hand, I’m a little concerned for my poor little body. I’m basically feeding it garbage. But on the other hand, I realized today that on a technicality, I’m being paid to eat donuts. I have arrived.

I’m still not sure what to do about any future free junk food. In the meantime, maybe I should start running and get some healthy snacks to bring to work, and just give in to the gluttony. Happy Thanksgiving!



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