I love Halloween like it was my creepy, undead firstborn child. But I have to admit, as much as I like being creeped out, it doesn’t take much. I don’t watch R-rated movies, and there are quite a few PG-13s I pretty much avoid. I don’t really like blood and guts. Or zombies (don’t hurt me). Or slasher films. Or excessive occult references. Or stupid, teenage protagonists who go out looking for monsters in skimpy underwear.
Read: I like children’s Halloween movies. Basically, if you’re below the age of 5, my house is the happenin’ place to be on Halloween. So, if you’re a wuss, or you’re under the age of 5, or you have kids under the age of 5, here’s my suggestion for you: a list of B-rated Halloween movies that might scare your pants, even if they won’t scare your pants off.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)
Nothing like an old-timey movie.
Ah, Norwegian horror. “Why for problem make when you no problem have you no want to make?” …What?
Who you gonna call?
We’ll run amok. Amok, amok, amok, amok!
Based on a Shirley Jackson book, and alternately spooky and hilariously dated.
The Screaming Skull
An absolute nightmare for 2-year-olds.
Anything at all with Vincent Price
Seriously. Look at the guy.
Casper the Friendly Ghost
It’s my party and I’ll die if I want to…
Nightmare Before Christmas/Corpse Bride
Classic Tim Burton/Classic Tim Burton Returns.
Dracula – the old school one
“Listen to them! Creatures of the night!”
Or any Hitchcock film, really.
The Princess and the Frog
Shadowman is terrifying.
Anything with this guy’s voice:
Another old-timey classic.
David Bowie at his finest.
The Princess and the Goblin
Man, this was the scariest thing when I was 2.
A whole TV series of mystery, paranormal hilarity featuring Grunkle Stan and a pig named Waddles.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
You can never be safer than when you’re with Donald Sutherland.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
The only things I really remember about this movie are some dead birds and a sculpture made out of mashed potatoes.
Okay, so it’s set during Christmas. But like Nightmare Before Christmas, nobody really watches this one on Christmas.