What Are We Going to Do With All This Firewood?

We just got a Dutch oven (thank you, wedding gifters!) and we’re super excited to use it. Which means Ethan is super excited to light a fire in the fireplace. As Ethan was out gathering firewood (read: chopping up the old box springs that have been in the back lot for months), one of our upstairs neighbors asked him, “What are you going to do with all that firewood?” Ethan was perplexed, trying to think of any way the term “fire-wood” could be confused with any other purpose. Eventually, he told the neighbor he was lighting a fire in the fireplace – but for the past few hours, we’ve been thinking of better things he could have said.

What are you going to do with all that firewood?

  • Build an ark
  • Make a funeral pyre for a dead Viking
  • Find a huge dog to play fetch with
  • Stock up for the apocalypse
  • Burn the place down
  • Build a chest of drawers
  • Carve small, wooden foxes and sell them as seasonal autumn trinkets
  • Balance the feng shui in the home
  • Remodel the living room
  • Carve a practice Tai Chi sword
  • Make a bridge between our apartment and the studio apartment next door
  • Build a battering ram and take over the singles’ apartment complex
  • 45,000 toothpicks
  • Plant a firewood tree
  • Grow a colony of termites
  • Stockpile for peak firewood sales in the winter
  • Sand it into fine sawdust, glue it together with honey, and sell it as “fiber-enriched” granola
  • Carve a wooden idol of a donkey and apostatize to form a new religion
  • Homemade guitar
  • Craft a handcart and do an Oregon Trail re-enactment (complete with dysentery)
  • Two words: Easter Island
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One thought on “What Are We Going to Do With All This Firewood?

  1. Pingback: 100+ uses for a bucket: Round 1 | Lancing a Windmill

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