Most of us would love to have all the easy answers to life. We want to know exactly where we go when we die, where we came from, and what the purpose of life really is. We want to know whether God’s really out there, and what He thinks of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Now, according to one claim, two Bountiful locals have the answer.
The two business partners, Ben Poulsen and Rachel Cope, were eating at a local diner when they claim to have had the vision. Cope reports, “I was really confused by all the bald men, but then I was like, ‘Oh, good, there’s God,’ and it all started to make sense.” Evidently, Cope and Poulsen have found the answers the rest of us are seeking, and they feel that the key lies in bags of puppies – exploding.
While more traditional religions preach brotherly love and kindness, Cope and Poulsen have created a new church – the “Gospel of the Puppy Piñata” – based entirely on the combustion of bags full of young Labrador puppies. Their worship ceremonies have so far included the use of fireworks, hand-grenades, and pressurized puppy chambers being hit with a stick. The church has gained some popularity among the local population, due to an inexplicable outpouring of love and emotion experienced by some of the pup-whackers, as well as a general hatred of adorable furry creatures.
The Gospel of the Puppy Piñata is, however, on shaky ground with worshippers. “I’m just not certain that exploding puppies is the best form of worship,” states Kelsey Twitchell, a waitress at the diner that started it all. Her opinion may not be altogether valid, however, as she failed to correctly identify the name of the Communist leader of China when prompted.
In answer to some of these concerns, Poulsen is advocating a reformed method of exploding the puppy-bags. His latest statement indicated that the puppies themselves might not need to be ignited for proper worship, provided the bags explode. “The outer layer of puppies would be singed,” he says, “but we might be able to save the inner layer.” The two founders are now looking into new technologies in combustible bag materials and flame-resistant fur. For now, the Gospel of the Puppy Piñata has dodged animal rights groups like PETA, but they’re not taking any chances. “We really don’t have anything against puppies,” says Cope. “We’d like to save as many as we can.”