A Nontraditional Engagement

A few weekends ago, Ethan and I decided to get married! We wanted to make sure we kept it quiet until we told our families (as we didn’t think it would be best for them to find out via facebook), but once they knew, we weren’t really sure whether we were “engaged” or not. What constitutes being “engaged,” anyway?

I’ve had friends who were “unofficially engaged,” friends who were planning  a wedding, but “not engaged yet,” and friends who were “planning to be engaged on such and such a date.” I don’t really understand that. Doesn’t “engaged” mean you’re planning to be married?

As we thought about telling friends, Ethan asked, “On a scale from one to Amish, how traditional are you?”

I’m not sure I understood that, either. “Pennsylvania Dutch?”

We decided to be engaged, and to tell people that. We were excited! But we were perplexed when people informed us that we weren’t “officially engaged” yet, because I didn’t have a ring, and he hadn’t proposed in some elaborate manner.

If I tell you I’m engaged, would you tell me I’m not? I don’t get that.

So I took one of my cheap, Wal-Mart rings, put it on my finger, and quieted the doubts in many minds. I’m still perplexed, however, when people ask to see the ring before they ask my fiance’s name. I think it’s because so many girls grow up planning their wedding their whole lives: they want the perfect dress, the perfect ring, the perfect ceremony, and… they’re not sure yet who the groom will be, but he’ll probably be perfect, too. The wedding becomes more important than the marriage, because they spend more time imagining the wedding. I’m not saying that I’m not excited for my wedding. And I love the ring Ethan bought for me. But I love it because he bought it for me – and I’m excited for the wedding because it marks the beginning of forever with my best friend.

As we’re planning, we’re excited. But we want to make sure we’re more focused on our life together after the wedding than on the wedding itself. After all, that’s what really matters.

So, on a scale from one to Amish – how traditional are you? 

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7 thoughts on “A Nontraditional Engagement

  1. I know the feeling! We decided to get married in October, but waited to say anything until we’d met families and whatnot over Thanksgiving. People kept insisting we weren’t engaged because there was no ring. We did eventually get a ring, and I love it because it’s from him, not one I’d had my eye on since I was little. 🙂

  2. Oh defiantly Amish. Guy has to ask my parents and then ask me and then we will get married and who knows we may never even have a ring 🙂 Cus I don’t really like rings. They get in the way of fist bumps. I know from hurting my fist on my sisters ring.

  3. May I just say AMEN to all that. You are engaged when you decided to get married. However, being a parent, I would amend that to “when you decided to get married and you told your parents.” Then it is official. CONGRATS. We have been staying updated on this, and may I say, I am WAY EXCITED for you! Best Wishes. Love ya. Ethan sounds wonderful!

    On Wed, May 22, 2013 at 1:51 PM, the sandguppy

  4. Congrats congrats! I liked your thoughts on marriage and that you are marrying your best friend–marrying your best friend makes marriage fun.

  5. Congratulations Rachel! I just got caught up on your blog of the last couple of months and you sound perfect for each other — both absolutely crazy! I can’t wait to meet him!

  6. Pingback: Random Conversations – The Perfect Proposal | Day in the life of a Busy Gal...

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