The Encyclopedia of Milkshakes

A few weeks ago, my friend Brian and I ate a particularly inspiring milkshake. (Peanut butter, bananas, and chocolate milk. People, if you haven’t experienced this, stop reading and get to a blender right now.) We decided that, since there were not words sufficient to describe the awesomeness of this shake, we should write an encyclopedia about it. Here’s the prospectus for our project:

Vol 1: “Amazing” through “Magnificent”

Vol 2: Why bananas and chocolate were made for each other

Vol 3: A treatise on the consistency of peanut butter

Vol 4: How to blend to satisfaction

Vol 5: That look that Bill Cosby gets on his face when he eats Jello pudding, and how to use facial expressions to describe taste perfection

Vol 6: The look that my roommate Bri has when she finds that Bill Cosby has finished the milkshake and left none for her

Vol 7: Self-defense

Vol 8: Best places to hide when someone wants to practice  their self-defense; or, to give up your drink like a coward

Vol 9: Dealing with societal shame after giving up your drink like a coward

Vol 10: How to use the Atonement to lighten your burdened heart from all that shame – and remember to offer Jesus a sip

Vol 11: Biblical references to milkshakes

Vol 12: How abstract the contemporary milkshake has become

Vol 13: Milkshakes, and their relation to the boys in the yard

Clearly, we should be college professors by now. ◊


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