So, being sick is no fun. And I would never get sick on purpose. But it kind of feels like going to the doctor is designed to be degrading enough to keep you from ever wanting to get sick again – just in case.
Doctor: So how long have you been having symptoms?
Me: (What kind of question is that, anyway? Symptoms of what?) Well, I had abdominal cramping last week, and I had a fever Sunday night, and a headache today. And my throat is sore and swollen.
Doctor: Were you on your period last week?
Me: … Yes…
Doctor: That might explain the cramping…
Me: (Awkward silence.)
Doctor: You had a fever on Sunday night? What temperature?
Me: I don’t know.
Doctor: (Visibly surprised.) Don’t you have a thermometer?
Me: Well, yeah… but it doesn’t work.
Doctor: How do you know it’s broken?
Me: It said I didn’t have a fever. … But I did.
Doctor: (Staring at me incredulously.)
Me: (Please just run the stupid tests and tell me what’s wrong.)
So, anyways. The only real redeeming quality there is in having a fever is being able to quote Christopher Walken at my mother ad nauseum. Please enjoy: