An Insider’s View

You might be a Cope if…

The very concept of wearing pants brings a sad sign of resignation to your lips.

Your idea of a healthy breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal and a glass full of cayenne water.

You can go through 2 dozen outfits in a day.

All clothing must be washed daily.

You find yourself engaged in a weighty argument about the hygienic qualities of using Astroturf (rather than real sod) as a table-runner in the dining room.

Your bold new frontier on weight loss is to find a way to bleed cheese sauce from your pores.

Your get-rich-quick scheme is to market facebook to dead people.

Your old computer yields 2 plastic penguins, a frog, an elephant, and a marble shooter upon dissection.

The greatest sign of affection you know is to break off both ends of a breadstick and shyly scoot them across the tabletop to someone more deserving.

Old CDs are kept in the heat vents.

You know exactly what the E.R. reaction time is for a “lawnmower incident.”

Your whole day is ruined when your mother treats you to a train ride and a movie at the wrong theater.

Small objects are fair game for hiding, trashing, or flushing after only 2 minutes in the open.

The tiniest of victories result in the silliest of dances.

You use mathematical proofs to explain matters of politics, philosophy, and religion.

You laugh wildly, for no apparent reason, and when nobody else is in the room.

You can replace a broken toilet, take apart a sink drain – and take 11 butterknives out of it, replace a kitchen sink, strip a computer or printer to its bare components, replace a tile floor or single-paned window without professional assistance, spackle an entire wall, remove a doorknob in record timing, lay shingles, and remove any kind of stain from any kind of material. And you acquired none of these skills through professional training.

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